Its almost been a year since coming off the race and to say the least, I’ve felt angry and confused a lot. I am not where I thought I would be or doing what I thought I would be doing. I currently work two part time jobs. One job is at the dollar store as a cashier so a question I ask almost every day is “Did you find everything you were looking for?” But I never really answer it for myself. I interact with people from all over the world, and since I’m just a cashier at a dollar store most people are surprised when I tell them I’ve traveled the world. The other job is as an after school care teacher which basically is me getting paid to play on a playground with kids. Anyone who knows me knows I love kids so this job is pretty fun.
Today started out rough emotionally and mentally for me. I am very needy. This is something the LORD made VERY clear to me on the World race. I am needy and he is always showing me a new depth to my neediness for Him. These are moments where I need connection. On these types of days, I go to a local park, sit in nature and I cry, pray and read the Word. Nature is a safe place for me ever since I was a kid. I have some crazy ups and downs sometimes, but as I grow in the LORD he brings sweet healing.
So after a rough morning, I went to work at the school and as soon as I walked in I was bombarded with comments about a kindergarten student who was also having a hard day. This student is high energy and tends to be in trouble often. After he was spoken to, they sent him out to the playground where he had to sit and was not allowed to play. I felt that the LORD wanted me to sit with him so I did. I knew he needed to connect with someone. I began asking him questions about school and sports, and as he answered, his voice sounded aggressive. I asked him if he felt angry and he said yes. I asked him why and he began to tell me that his parents had split and that him and his mom were moving away from dad. My heart broke for him. I could relate to the emotions he was experiencing; the anger and confusion, hurt and desire to act out. I listened to him express his anger. In a calm, low tone, I began to tell him that my parents split when I was a kid too, and how I felt at that time. I told him it was really hard, that I was angry and would cry a lot. He stopped fidgeting and stared at me. Then said “Really? you cried?” His whole demeanor and tone of voice changed. I said “Yeah buddy. I still cry and almost everyday.” I then shared with him a little on how Jesus helps me out and comforts me in those times. He had let his guard down because I was real with him about my humanity. I was vulnerable. And that opened the door for me to be and share Jesus with him. A listening ear, a calm tone that says “Me too”, and a reassuring “it’s going to be OK” goes a long way for the LORD to do what he wants.
After the school, I went to my job at the dollar store. I have this old sweatshirt (which I love!) that I had gotten from a friend of mine who was going to get rid of it. Its kind of gross and the colors are ugly, but I think its hilarious. The front of it is a picture of Jesus on the back of a boat with two guys who are fishing. Jesus has his right hand raised blessing their catch at the end of the line, and in big letters it says “HOOKED ON JESUS” The LORD has given me a lot of favor at the dollar store. I share freely about my faith and stories of my travels with customers. One particular customer today commented on my sweatshirt which then turned into an almost two hour conversation about the LORD and stories from trips I’ve been on. He was open and asked lots of questions. I could see the hunger in his eyes. It was pretty cool. He said he’d meet up with me at church and wants to hear more about the trip. LORD willing, that will come to be.
Reflecting on the day, I believe I found everything I was looking for. I met Jesus at every turn. I hope the people I spoke to can say the same as well as you reading this.
